Two and a half years now. That’s the lapse in time that has passed since letting go of an era of pain. *Queue soft cello, stage left, right? Nah, not this time. I say it for the sake of giving context to what I’ll offer next. Write it, say it, get it out.

I wrote a book that made sense to me, that brought together the rantings and happenstances of the path that I had trod. I created a publishing company and then self published my story. The original intention was to branch from that book as it was the launch pad.

Except that didn’t work. It could have worked; probably. But I am really tired of living in the same place emotionally, all the time. It’s not fair to myself. *Ak-hem* not fair to my. Self. Always going back to the place that feels comfortable to us, but which is something that we’ve outgrown, but maybe don’t know how to leave behind. Or, better yet – the place we don’t know how to move forward from.

I had it, the fortitude, the energy, the determination. Then it went and wrapped itself in the familiarity of loss and the feeling that had somehow become my normalcy. Bleh! Mouth vomit. Stupid strength of mind with a compromised spirit. Anyway, isn’t there an “iron strengthens iron” metaphor? Or, “the lesson will be repeated until the lesson is learned” thing? Yeah, both of those are entangled and vying for a position on the field. Thought I benched them both, but noooooo…(silly humanity).

The title of that book is “Rising the Phoenix” (check it out; it’s on Amazon) – and it is a similarly crafted monologue / gripe session about the becoming of a woman. You know, rising from the ashes kind of thing. I am simply slightly confused as to why I find myself digging up bones once again – not that I should be exempted from the life-work of things. But damn! The cyclical nature of ev-ery-thing!

In the event I pose as my own medical professional set to self-diagnose, I would most certainly prescribe sunlight, more water, green grass for the purpose of self-soothing and reducing anxiety (also highlighting the grounding effect) and an immediate increase to the physiological pieces of living: food, water, shelter, love…you know.

Let me narrow it down. The catch – say it. Say all the things that you don’t believe you can say. Except say them to the right people. Seek the understanding, make the efforts to evolve and be better. Clarify what needs clarifying and make mental note of who is following your energies. I fell into the belief that I had to do it all on my own. That there were similar situations which kept arising, leaving me to lean into the ways that I thought I knew how to handle those same parts. I didn’t though; don’t.

Growth and comfort do not coexist.

I like comfortability.

It’s time though – time for growth. Nurture your nature, babe.

And, if you’re seeking a starting place, or tangible reminder; maybe buy my book (see here: https://a.co/d/ip4x5lr ). Thank you in advance fellow grower 😉